中国式爱情与婚姻：中国在玩的相亲游戏

Lynette

It's called "Shanghai's 3rd Annual Love and Marriage Expo." But the atmosphere at this massive gathering for single Chinese men and women was decidedly unromantic.
这场活动叫做“上海第三届婚恋博览会”。但这场为中国单身男女们举办的大型聚会的气氛却一点也不浪漫。


More than 18,000 people preregistered for the weekend event, located ratherincongruously in a sprawling shopping complex specializing in home and office furniture.
超过1万8千人抢注参与了这场周末活动。活动的举办地点很怪异，在一个专卖居家办公家具的大型购物中心里。


The crowds were met by billboards posting lists of thousands of single men and women -- one list in pink and the other in blue. Within minutes of the doors opening on a rainy Saturday morning, visitors huddled to study the lists and take in vital intel about potential suitors -- age, height, education, annual income and their registered hometown, also known as hukou.
面对人群的是张贴着成千上万单身男女信息的广告牌——一列是粉色，一列是蓝色。博览会在一个下着雨的周六早晨开始，开门短短几分钟，参与者就挤成一团，开始研究广告牌上的内容，并记录下可能对象的重要信息——年龄、身高、教育背景、年收入、户口所在地。


Some people took notes, while others snapped photos of single entries with their cellphones.
有的人在记笔记，有的人则用手机拍照记录单身者们的信息。


In one hall more than a hundred men and women in their twenties and thirties sat facing each other at tables decorated with red and yellow tablecloths, the soothing tones of a Norah Jones love song spilling out from loudspeakers.
在一个大厅，一百多位二三十岁的男女在铺着红黄桌布的桌子前面对面坐着，广播里传来爵士女伶诺拉·琼斯的舒缓情歌。


"Welcome everybody to our 8-minute speed-dating event," announced the master of ceremonies eventually. When the eight minutes was up, each dater was instructed to move on. "Male guests please move two seats to your left," boomed the announcer.
“欢迎大家参加我们8分钟快速约会环节，”大会主持人终于宣布。8分钟一结束，每个约会者都必须挪动位置。“男嘉宾请向你的左手边挪动两个位置，”主持人大声说。


For some participants, this was the first time they had ever been on a date. "It's useful...it's just like research," said Yixin Bai, a 20-year-old man home for the summer holidays from a university in Canada.
对于某些参与者来说，这是他们第一次约会。 “这很有用……就好像做研究一样，”20岁的白毅新（音译）说，他在加拿大读大学，现在回家过暑假。


Bai said he has never had a girlfriend before. This is not uncommon amongst young Chinese, considering many teens are discouraged from having any romantic relationships in high school and told to focus on school work instead. He came to the expo to learn what women want from men.
白毅新说他从没有交过女朋友。这在中国的年轻人中并不少见，因为许多青少年在高中时都不被允许谈恋爱，而要专注于学习。他来这场博览会是想要了解女人对男人有哪些要求。


"After asking them, I now know something: Women don't like men to rely on their parents," he said.
“问过她们之后，现在我明白了一些：女人不喜欢男人依赖父母，”他说。


Bai was participating in a speed-dating event organized by Zhenai Inc., one of China's largest Internet match-making websites. The company says it has more than 58 million registered users and is growing by one million users a month.
白毅新参加的这场快速约会活动是由珍爱网组织的，这是中国最大的相亲网站之一。公司称他们拥有5千8百多万的注册用户，而且还在以每月一百万的速度增长。


Zhenai's founder and CEO is a Columbia University-educated former investment banker named Song Li. He says the one-child policy implemented by the Chinese government in 1979 has resulted in young adults having poor social skills -- crucial in the dating game.
珍爱网的创始人和CEO李松曾就读于哥伦比亚大学，之前是一名投资银行家。他说，中国政府从1979年开始执行的计划生育政策让许多年轻人的社交技能非常弱，而这在约会当中是至关重要的。


"A lot of kids who were born after 1980, they don't have siblings. So they grow up in an environment where you don't have the experience to meet with people of the opposite sex," Li opined.
李松认为，“很多80后的孩子没有兄弟姐妹。所以在他们成长的环境里没有和异性接触的经验。”


Many participants said they came to the convention because they needed help. They said they found it difficult to meet potential romantic partners outside their immediate circle of friends and family.
许多参与者说，他们来参加这次大会是因为他们需要帮助。他们说他们发现在自己身边的朋友圈之外遇见可能的对象非常困难。


And many Chinese approaching their late twenties, especially women, are under immense pressure to get married. "My mother asks, 'Why are you still single? Are you a freak?'" said Elsie, a 26-year-old woman who was taking part in a speed-dating session.
许多年近30的中国人，尤其是女性，承受着巨大的结婚、压力。“我妈妈问，‘为什么你还是单身？你不正常吗？’”一个参加快速约会的26岁姑娘Elsie说。


The woman next to her, who asked to be called May and is also 26, said her father asked the same question.
她旁边的女孩也是26岁，自称叫May，说她的父亲也问了她同样的问题。


"Everyone has the same story," said May laughing. "I feel free because I'm single... but I know this is the time I need to date somebody. I need to get married before thirty." Both women said they did not want to become shengnu, or the "leftover women."
“每个人都有相同的故事，”May笑着说。“我感觉很自由，因为我是单身……但我知道我得开始约会了。我需要在30岁之前结婚。” 两个女孩都说她们不想成为剩女。


"It is one of the most talked about issues in Chinese society because a lot of educated women are left behind because they set a very high standard for their future husbands ... and they are less willing, unlike their parents' generation, to compromise," said Zhenai's Li.
“这是中国社会里谈论最多的问题之一，很多受过良好教育的女性被剩下了，因为她们对于未来丈夫的标准定得太高……而和她们父母那一代不同，她们不太愿意妥协，” 珍爱网的李松说。


May, who has a good job in human resources at an international firm and speaks fluent English, said this was her first time at a match-making event. She said she had never had a boyfriend before or been in love.
May在一家外企有一份不错的人力资源工作，会说流利的英语。她说这是她第一次来参加相亲，之前从没有过男朋友，也没有恋爱过。


"I have no time to get to know other males at a similar age ... that's why I can't find my Mister Right," she said. "I just wish that I have some luck today."
“我没时间认识和我年龄差不多的男人……这就是为什么我找不到我的真命天子，”她说。“我只希望我今天能有点运气。”


Despite being rejected by two men, May was in good spirits. She said that the two men needed a women who had a registered hukou in Shanghai.
虽然已经被两名男士拒绝，May的情绪还不错。她说那两个人想找一个有上海户口的女人。

For a gathering of thousands of single men and women, it was surprising to note that there was very little flirting going on.
虽然这里聚集了成千上万的单身男女，你会惊讶地发现这几乎没有什么打情骂俏。


People wandered the corridors picking up brochures from match-making companies and stopped in to listen to self-help lectures from "life coaches," who were schooling women in how to "brand" themselves.
人们在走道上徘徊，收集相亲公司派发的小册子，也会停下来听听“人生导师”的自助演讲，教女性如何自我“推销”。


At times, the Love and Marriage Expo felt like a job fair. Online match-making entrepreneur Li said that was an accurate comparison. Finding a spouse is "almost like finding a job," he said.
有时候，这场婚恋博览感觉就像是一场招聘会。婚恋网站创办者李松说这个比喻很确切。找对象“就好像找工作，”他说。


"People tend to be very pragmatic," he explained. "[Being single] is a problem that you have an obligation to fix. And your parents feel that it is their obligation to see to it -- to get this problem fixed."
“人们越来越现实，”他解释说。“（单身）这个问题你有义务要去解决。而且你的父母会觉得他们有义务去留意、去解决这个问题。”


Another startling revelation was that there were nearly as many parents at the Love and Marriage Expo as there were single men and women.
另一点让人惊讶的是，出席这场婚恋博览会的父母几乎和在场的单身男女一样多。


Some parents stood at the bustling entrance to the convention holding up printed posters advertising the details of their single children. Others walked alongside their adult sons and daughters, inspecting the booths of different match-making agencies.
有的父母站在人来人往的活动入口，举着印有各种细节的招牌，为他们单身的孩子打广告。还有的和他们的成年孩子走在一起，打量着各家相亲机构的展台。


One match-maker told CNN she had to prohibit parents accompanying their children to the speed-dating tables.
一位相亲机构工作人员告诉CNN，她不得不阻止父母们在快速约会环节陪在孩子身边。


"I respect my parents' opinion," said May. "If my parents say this guy is no good, then I won't date [him]. But if my parents say this one is good, that they are happy with this boy, then I will try."
“我尊重我父母的想法，”May说。“如果我的父母说这个男孩不好，我就不会跟（他）约会。但是如果我的父母说这个人不错，他们对这个男孩很满意，那我就会试试。”


In some cases, mothers and fathers clearly played a role as social icebreakers for their children.
在某些情况下，父母很显然在为他们的孩子打开社交的局面。


At one point, while wandering the corridors of the convention, May got a phone call. It was her father who was also there. May found him standing next to another father he had just met.
在大会的走道里徘徊时，May接了一个电话。是她的父亲打来的，他也在现场。May看到她的父亲和另一名父亲站在一起，他们刚刚遇见。


The man happened to have a single son who worked in a bank and did not attend the convention. Fortunately he carried a photo -- and a passport -- of his son, which he showed to May. "His picture looks good. A little bit handsome," May responded.
那名父亲刚好有一个单身的儿子，在银行工作，今天没来出席博览会。幸运的是他带了他儿子的照片和护照，让May看了看。“他的照片看上去不错，有点帅，”May回应说。


Then she stood somewhat awkwardly as the man's father took a photo of her in the crowded corridor. May's father looked over his counterpart's shoulder, murmuring advice as the digital image was taken.
那位父亲在拥挤的走道里给May拍了照片，她站在那，多少有点不自在。May的父亲从他的肩上看过去，在他拍照时嘴里念叨着给出建议。


May seemed pleased and grateful to the two dads. "They are both trying to help their child find their Mr. Right and Miss Right."
面对这两位父亲，May看上去开心又感激。“他们都是想帮自己的孩子找到各自的真名天子和真名天女。”